Asking Someone Out


The thought of asking someone out can be one of the most terrifying things during puberty, high school, and even college.  You may have never talked to the opposite gender much and are just now starting to develop sexual feelings for them.  Asking someone out can become a big ordeal because you begin to ask yourself questions such as “Will they say yes?” or “What will other people think if they say no?” or “How do I even get the courage to go up and ask them in the first place?”  Don’t panic; the following will guide you through on what to do and how to do it.

Preparing to Ask Someone Out

Having feelings for someone or having the urge to want to be with them sexually is one of the most natural things people go through, especially being in high school.  The transition to high school can be a big change and can come with a lot of pressure.  You are put into a whole new environment with a lot of people that you have never even seen before.  After realizing this, you begin to make first impressions on others while at the same time knowing that others are making first impressions of you.  You can start to become self-conscious about what others think of you which can make asking someone out even more nerve-racking.  One of the key things to remember is to be confident.  Understandably, it can be hard to stay confident at all times but remember to tell yourself “Who cares what other people think?”  You need to be able to not worry about what other people think of you as long as you are happy because that is what is most important. 

When someone catches your eye and you realize that you want to get to know them better, and possibly even go on a date, how to go about it is hard to figure out.  First, you need to think about whether this person knows you at all.  If you both know each other a little already, it can be a bit easier because you already have things in common.  If you do not, don’t panic.  If you do not know them, you have to make sure to introduce yourself when you first approach them.  Try to think of something you have in common.  It can be anything from wearing the same brand of clothing, having a class together, or having a mutual friend.  If you cannot think of anything you have in common, a good idea is to think of an ice breaker.  A compliment is a good ice breaker.  A compliment is a pretty casual way to approach a stranger that will put them in a better mood because you are already telling them that you like something about them.  You might say “Hey, I really like that scarf (can be anything)” and most likely they will say thanks and at that moment you can say “Yeah of course no problem but by the way I don’t think we have met before…my name is” and hopefully you can start a conversation whether it’s brief or lasts awhile.  It is always good to have an idea of what you are going to say when preparing to ask someone out. 

Another important part of preparing to ask someone out is to remember to be respectful at all times.  Whenever approaching somebody, you never want them to feel pressured or in an uncomfortable situation.  The situation can definitely be awkward in a sense, but if you can clearly tell that this person wants to get out of the situation after approaching them, respect that. 

Asking Them Out

After preparing yourself to ask someone out, you must figure out when to approach them.  It is best to approach a person when they are alone.  If that person is alone, you don’t have to worry about them acting differently around their friends or talking to anyone else.  If they are in a group, your behavior might be perceived as weird for ‘seeking’ them out per say especially if the two of you have never spoken before.  A good idea is to try and figure out where their locker is.  A good time to approach them is at the end of the day when everyone is going to their lockers and grabbing stuff that they need to take home.  After figuring out what to say, when to say it, and where to say it, you are now ready to make a move.

            Remember to be confident, respectful, and natural.  Being confident can be one of the hardest things.  I remember when I was in high school and about to go ask someone out, I would get so nervous and end up not going for it.  After doing that a few times, I would remember the quote from a famous hockey player Wayne Gretzky “You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.”  That quote has stuck with me throughout the years and I always think back to it when I get really nervous about asking someone out.  Whenever you get too nervous, just think back to this quote and hopefully you will gain the courage to go up to this person and ask them out.  Furthermore, always make sure you are being respectful – of yourself and of the other person.  If the other person clearly wants nothing to do with you and makes you feel bad about yourself, get out of that situation because you do not deserve to be treated that way.  On the other hand, make sure you are being respectful of the person you are trying to ask out.  Make sure they are comfortable and okay with talking to someone they have never met before.  Making sure respect is being portrayed on both sides gives you a better chance of them saying yes to going out with you.  Lastly, be yourself.  Being yourself is one of the most important things when meeting someone for the first time.  Of course it can be overwhelming and nerve-racking, but being yourself will set you apart from everyone else.  It allows the other person to truly see who you are, even if it is only a minute-long conversation.  The more natural you can be, the better off you are.

The Aftermath


It is all over; you can now take a step back as well as a deep breath.  If they said yes, awesome!  You know that you were confident and natural.  The next step is to, if you got a phone number, text them and make plans if you haven’t already.  If you didn’t get a number, that’s totally fine just make sure to talk to them again in person as soon as you can to let them know you really are interested.  If they said no or seemed to be uninterested, do not get down on yourself!  That is the most important thing when getting turned away; do not put yourself down.  You learn from every experience and make the next one better.  Maybe you seemed nervous and couldn’t hold a conversation that well.  That’s okay because you can look back at that experience and learn from your mistakes so the next time you decide to ask someone out, it will go better.  Maybe they simply just weren’t interested in you.  In that case, there was simply nothing you could have done.  When that happens to me, I believe it is just not meant to be.  There are plenty of other people out there and this person just couldn’t see how amazing you are – it happens to everyone.  As I said before, asking someone out can be a difficult task with questions constantly racing through your head.  Whether the person says yes or no, at the end of the day you must remember that with every chance you take, you develop skills that will help you out the next time you attempt to ask someone out.  Confidence is key, and remember that anybody would be lucky to go out with you!


Last Updated February 16, 2016