My partner's body is different from my fantasy. What can I do?

I often fantasize about rounded, large buttocks. However, my partner has a very flat buttocks. How can I achieve my fantasy?


First, we want to tell you that you should never be ashamed of your fantasies. Fantasies are your body’s way of expressing its desires. In truth, there are only a few occasions in which one should worry about fantasies. The first is if this fantasy causes you to act in any way that is disruptive to your daily life. Likewise, if this fantasy leads to any law breaking, it is important to seek help. Fantasies are often impossible, unrealistic desires. That is why they are fantasies. It is only when these fantasies become realities that involve harming or taking advantage of people (including yourself) that there begins to be cause for concern and possible legal consequences. In short, it is okay to have fantasies, but acting on them without expressed consent from a partner could have legal repercussions.

It is also important to distinguish reality from fantasy. Media’s depictions of life (in movies, television, pornography, magazines, etc.) consist of fantasy and ideals. They are scripted, edited, and not made to reflect reality. Most of the people you see on screens or magazine covers have had their appearances airbrushed and digitally altered. For this reason, we recommend that you try not to compare your partner to celebrities and porn stars. We recommend that you try to find other parts of her body and personality that arouse you and appreciate those.

Above all else, we recommend that you communicate with your partner. Your sex life directly involves the two of you. There may be a fantasy or character you can both agree on that would provide excitement for both you and your partner. Similarly, you both could work out together to achieve healthier, more toned bodies. We recommend that you speak with your partner and try to come up with a solution that pleases both of you. That being said, we suggest you approach this conversation carefully, and make suggestions as “we” statements instead of “you” statements so that your partner does not feel that they are inadequate or being attacked. If you both work together towards a mutual goal then you will have much more success and feel much closer.