Aftercare describes the time one would spend with their partner after an intense sexual experience to tend to one another’s physical, mental, and emotional needs. Sexual acts, particularly ones such as BDSM and kinky roleplay, can be physically draining and emotionally exhausting. There are many different types of aftercare, such as cuddling, taking a shower together, having a conversation, and bringing a partner food. Aftercare is a great way for people to come together to regain energy, express affection to each other, and discuss the sexual experience.


Reasons for Aftercare

There are many benefits that come with participating in aftercare following an intense sexual experience. Some of these benefits include showing love and attention to one’s partner, alleviating any fears, and establishing communication and clarity. Although aftercare is more common in the BDSM community, there are still many sexual partners who enjoy engaging in aftercare.

Coming Back to Reality

Aftercare can follow a sexual act that removed both partners from reality, such as roleplaying characters that do not resemble their actual identities. For example, if those engaged in a sexual activity were roleplaying as an individual that is aggressive and controlling when they are typically gentle and caring in real life, one may emphasize these softer characteristics more during aftercare. Aftercare is a fantastic way to ground one another and return to everyday reality.

Expressing Affection

Aftercare is a great way to shower one’s partner with affection following a sexual experience. Oftentimes, particularly in roleplay situations when a person may derive pleasure from degrading a partner or inflicting pain on them, it is easy to forget that one is engaging in a sexual act with someone they may love very much. Taking the time to express these feelings can be an enjoyable experience for everyone involved in the sexual act.





Calming Down

Aftercare usually follows a sexual act that can be high in energy, intensity, and movement. It is completely valid to feel anxious, stressed out, or even a bit scared after these sexual experiences. Aftercare allows a person to comfort their partner upon experiencing these emotions by giving them the time and space to relax, asking them how they are feeling in that moment, and providing them with any sort of relief.

Establishing Communication

Engaging in aftercare may provide both partners with a comfortable environment to discuss the sexual act. Although it may seem more convenient to never speak of the sexual encounter ever again, establishing a line of communication between partners can be a very productive experience. For instance, one can share parts of the sexual activity they enjoyed the most as well as parts that could have been improved on. This sort of communication can enable even more pleasurable sexual experiences in the future.



Types of Aftercare

Aftercare does not simply embody one type of act; there are many different forms of aftercare. Some of these forms include cleaning up, such as taking a shower or a bath together. Others include tending to a partner’s needs by bringing them a meal or a warm blanket, giving them a massage, or cuddling with them. Another type of aftercare is having a conversation with one’s partner about the sexual experience to communicate one another’s likes, dislikes, and suggestions for future sexual activities. Aftercare comes in many forms, and there is not one correct way of engaging in aftercare.

Taking a Shower Together

Cleaning up after sex, whether it is taking a shower or having a bath together, is not only something hygienic and practical to do, but a great form of aftercare. It allows for more intimate, playful moments between partners. Partners can even clean up for one another to demonstrate how they care about each other.

Giving a Massage

Participating in an intense sexual experience can be a physically taxing process. Especially if the sexual act involved staying in one position for an extended period of time, engaging in abrupt motions and movements, or in more kinky situations, being slapped or struck on parts of the body. Giving a massage to a partner is a great way to relieve strained muscles and joints. The physical act of rubbing the body part of someone you love and knowing it gives them comfort and relief is another important aspect of aftercare.


Cuddling is another crucial aspect of aftercare. It brings partners physically close to each other following an intense sexual experience. Resting a head on a partner’s chest or shoulder, hugging one’s partner from behind, and giving soft kisses on the neck and cheek are all intimate ways to express affection to one’s partner during aftercare.






Bringing Food

The act of preparing a partner’s favorite food after a draining sexual experience is not only something that is considerate to do, but demonstrates one’s love, affection, and care toward their partner. Bringing warm food following the sexual activity also shows how one can tend to their partner’s needs outside of sexual pleasure, and that they keep their partner’s needs and interests in mind.

Having a Conversation

One of the most important parts of aftercare is having a conversation with each other after the intense sexual act. It is not only vital to communicate to one another what they enjoyed most about the sexual activity, but it is just as crucial to talk about what one did not like as much, as well as suggestions about how to improve the experience for each other in the future. Furthermore, just the simple act of talking about everyday matters with one’s partner can be just as, if not more, intimate than the sexual act itself. Slowing down to reflect on what went well and what could have been better is another productive way to improve future sexual interactions. It is always beneficial to communicate with one’s partner during aftercare.


Concluding Remarks

Aftercare is an important aspect of any sexual experience. It allows partners to return back to reality, express affection and love for each other, calm down, and establish communication and clarity. Aftercare comes in many different forms, such as taking a shower or bath together, giving each other a massage, cuddling together, bringing a partner their favorite food or snack, and having a conversation to reflect on the overall experience. 


  1. Thorn, Koty. “What is BDSM Aftercare and Why Is it Required for Kinky Sex?” Lelo.
  2. “Aftercare”. BDSM Wiki.